Close Encounters of the Gym Kind
Part two

Close Encounters of the Gym Kind
Part two

I have met all kinds of people in the gym. Most of them were average fitness Joe and Joanne but some were unusual characters I would never forget.

Fashion
Long before Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears started the “fad”, we had a client who liked to exercise without underwear. Gym instructors quickly discovered her exhibitionist tendencies because she favored wearing tennis skirts!

She not only scandalized members but also caused a hygiene problem. Imagine the amount of antibacterial spray we had to use after she worked out on the stationary bike. After the staff confronted her, she left in a huff, I assume to shock another gym. So be warned, somewhere out there roams a panty-less exerciser.

There was a time when lacy workout wear was popular. One client took the trend a little too far by wearing her actual lingerie. It was a little disconcerting to see underwear worn as outerwear. Did she know it was a little strange? It’s hard to tell. She behaved as if it was perfectly normal to exercise in front of strangers in a Josie Natori.

Then we had a client the staff nicknamed “spaceman.” He exercised covered from neck to ankles in a silver “sauna” suit. He claimed to have been a college boxer in the 1950s and insisted this was how he got fit.

Our explanations of overheating and possible electrolyte loss fell on deaf ears. At least we got him to agree to drink a sports drink.

We also had a balikbayan client who liked to come in covered from head to foot in tight, loud-colored spandex. He looked like an Olympic speed skater from the ’80s.

I can just imagine the stares he must have gotten as he walked from the parking lot to our front door. He might have been painful to look at but he wasn’t hurting anyone. In fact, he was a very nice guy who was extremely polite to everybody. He just got his kicks from dressing that way.

Characters
One guy was always looking for unconventional ways to use the strength machines. He would sit on the lever arm of the multi-hip machine and use it like a swing. He would lie on his back on the seat of the lat-pull down machine and hook his legs over the bar to pull it toward his chest. Go figure.

We had an asthmatic client who liked to lift very heavy weights. So heavy she would turn blue and her knees would buckle. No amount of persuasion could get her to stop the dangerous practice. In the end, we had to cancel her membership.

She wrote me an eight-page complaint letter. But I had to stand my ground. She was bound to have an accident or medical emergency. If she wouldn’t listen to us, we’d rather things happen in some other gym, not ours.

Another client only became a member to keep an eye on his girlfriend. After walking on the treadmill at the slowest of paces (the only exercise he ever did), he would read a newspaper. Then, he began to feel really at home and would take a nap under the Smith machine with the paper covering his face (even snoring sometimes).

Celebrities
We quickly figured out that the more famous a celebrity, the more quiet and unassuming he/she was at the gym. The wannabes and those hoping-to-be-famous were the ones trying to call attention to themselves. I mean, what else would you call someone who runs on a treadmill with a cap and sunglasses on, except “trying hard”?

Wives and mistresses
The wife of a prominent public figure would work out in the morning and his mistress would come in the afternoon. We never found out if they knew what was going on or if this was their “civilized” modus vivendi. One thing’s for sure, the man had some cheek keeping both women in the same vicinity.

Another time, a wife came to see me insisting that I kick out a member who she claimed was her husband’s mistress. She wasn’t too happy when I told her it was none of our business. After all, we were only in charge of our clients’ fitness, not their marital affairs.

Treadmills
Treadmills can be dangerous machines. Powerful motors and moving belts are not for the clumsy or forgetful. For example, we had a client who bent down to tie his shoelaces and was promptly thrown off. Another woman bent down to pick up a water bottle that had fallen and off she went.

We had an older client who refused to wear her glasses until the day she kept pressing the wrong button and the treadmill sped up, faster than she could handle. In her panic, she forgot where the stop button was. She was hanging on to the handrails for dear life while shouting at the top of her lungs for help.
After that, her glasses were “glued” to her face.

Instructors
We had a male instructor who was always falling asleep sometimes right there in the gym standing up against a machine. We found out he was kept awake watching movies at night.

The problem was he was on the morning shift. We kept offering to move him to the afternoon but he always refused. We reluctantly had to let him go. Hopefully, he has changed his ways. If he hasn’t, you may have seen him. He’s the guy sleeping behind the cable column machine in your gym.

We had a female instructor whose biceps and six-pack abs were the envy of male and female members alike. This was back in the early ’90s, when looking like Linda Hamilton of “Terminator” was all the rage.

I was quite naïve then about steroids so it took me two years after she resigned to discover that the secret to her much envied muscularity was anabolic steroid

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